I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
