People in love make me want to vomit
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
