I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
