peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
