I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Hippo gnu deer
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
