I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
