These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
