i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
