She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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