Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
