Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
