I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
