he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
