for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
