i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
