another moral hangover. fuck.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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