when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You were trust falling into bushes
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
