i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
