i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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