So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
