Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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