'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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