A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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