I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
