the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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