I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
