don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
