Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
