I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
