Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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