so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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