made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
