i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
