bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
