I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
