Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
50% drunk capacity currently
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
