Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
3pm strippers are depressing
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
