watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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