How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
