Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
