i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
