i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
