So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
