I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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