Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
