tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
