Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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