So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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