Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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