If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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