I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
