He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
