I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
