Where are you?
In a non slutty way
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
