Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
