Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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